If there are two things that I am a sucker for, it’s monsters and sweet love stories. And humor. Okay, that’s three things, four if you throw guitars in there. Anyway, years ago I read this volume somehow and remembered it fondly. Poking around one night on Comixology one night I decided to see if this series was available on there, and I was super excited to see that it was. Would I still enjoy it? Does that 17+ rating seem justified? Scared kids? Grab your wooden stakes, silver bullets, and lets step inside…the Boneyard (*points at crotch, wiggles eyebrows*)
Boneyard Volume One
Colors: Jessica Kindzierski
NBM Publishing Inc.
Michael Paris is on his way to Raven’s Hollow, his grandfather passed away and left him some property, all he wants to do, is sign it over to the town council and head back home. It’s pretty clear though, things aren’t going to be quite that easy. He enters town to an actual torch-wielding mob, and finds out that the property he was left, is a cemetery, the Boneyard that gives the series it’s name. The mob, led by the Mayor is on the way to destroy the cemetery. The two gargoyles guarding the gate can talk, before Paris can even process this, he is met by a beautiful woman. She asks him not to sign anything until he gets a chance to hear “our side,” and we get our first look at the rest of the denizens of the Boneyard.
Mayor Wormwood tries to continue with his destruction of the cemetery, tensions flare on both sides of the gate as the townsfolk and the monsters throw insults back and forth, with Paris in the middle. He loses it, telling the townsfolk to quit trespassing and threatening to sue everybody.
Back in town, at the Inn, Paris is awoken by a tapping, not on the door, but his second floor window. Dangling outside (upside down) his window,is beautiful vamp Abbey. She wants to take Paris back to the Boneyard to give him a chance to make an “informed decision” about what he is going to do with his newly inherited cemetery. They walk out of town, talking about Paris’ grandfather, Abbey telling stories of the practical jokes and other fond memories of the grandfather that Paris never new. As they walk, Abbey knocks Paris out of the way of a speeding car, taking a direct hit herself. Abbey is down and Paris hears the car coming back for them.
In the cemetery, Ralph the werewolf, Sid the Skeleton, Edgar the raven and Mr Vincent the, I guess mortician, are playing cards, when Edgar has a premonition, one of their kind is in grave danger and needs their help. Unfortunately, if he leaves the table he folds.
The speeding car is close to backing over Abbey who vaults over the car taking a piece of it with her, topless, due to Paris accidentally pulling her top off when trying to drag her out of the road, though to be fair, in the grand comic book tradition, nothing can be seen. They make it back to the Boneyard, Micheal is introduced to Leon and Boris, the gargoyles at the gate of the cemetery, and Micheal and Abbey formally introduce themselves to each other. They make their way to the guys playing cards and Paris is introduced to them, with Paris asked to join and declining due to a trauma involving strip poker. They continue with the tour, meeting Nightcrawler, the talking, worm thingie, Hildy the witch, who is attempting to cook Glump the demon, for using her cauldron as a hot tub. Last but not least, Nessie the busty fish lady, and her husband Brutus, the enormous Frankenstein monster. Nessie makes her first of many to come, uncomfortable passes at Paris. Followed by the first of the, Paris and Abbey, are maybe going to kiss and are interrupted. Ralph and Sid decide to walk Paris home and next thing we see is inside the Dark Corner, some sort of supernatural bar, with Ralph and Sid instigating a fight between Paris and some kind of big monster.
Paris wakes up back at the hotel first, being surprised by a guy that is hanging a banner outside while he is taking a leak, and then next by a trio of women from town after his shower, giving the only actual nudity in the book, man ass. Mayor Wormwood is walking Micheal through town, banners hang everywhere thanking Paris for the liberation of their town. Paris though has yet to make up his mind though, but, Mayor Wormwood informs him it’s too late to stop anything.
The bulldozers and wrecking balls are moving in on the Boneyard, with the monsters fighting back. The Mayor continues upping the ante in trying to buy off Paris. Edgar the raven arrives to let Paris know what’s going on, and they hop in Paris’ car to race back to the cemetery to stop the demolition. The Mayor and the Sheriff are in hot pursuit, alternately shooting at Paris, and trying to get him to sign over the Boneyard.
At the end we finally see the Mayor for who he truly is, The Devil himself, and his evil plot is also revealed, tear down the cemetery to make way for shopping malls.
Don’t be chased off by the 17+ rating, Boneyard is a charming, sweet, funny book, filled with monsters of the classic variety. Great cartoony, expressive art by Moore. For the first volume, it introduces everybody we need to know, with good glimpses at their personalities. And you root for something to happen with Abbey and Paris. It’s a great book, check it out. And fall in love with these misfits. I did.