I thought it would be funny, but it backfired, like a fart in the bath tub.

Ugh.. these covers

Trouble #1-5

Writer: Mark Millar

Penciller: Terry Dodson

Inker: Rachel Dodson

Colorists: Matt Hollingsworth (issues #1-3), Brian Reber (issues #4-5)

Letterer: Chris Eliopoulos

My LCS here in town recently moved to a new location, and looking to get rid of some books, put up a 75% off rack. I have gotten tons of really great stuff off it (Challengers Of The Unknown, The Complete First Six Issues Of Mad, Why I Hate Saturn) and some not quite so great stuff (Tarot: Witch Of The Black Rose, stay tuned) and now, Trouble. “Oh that’s supposed to be terrible, maybe this will be funny to write about for the site,” I laughed. And then I read it. What’s that sound? That’s me. Not laughing.

If you aren’t aware of,Trouble, it is a miniseries detailing the sexy misadventures of two sexy couples, taking place at some time in the past (when DC comics started charging 12 cents) sort of a throw back to a romance comic, with modern sensibilities, and ties to Spider-Man that they never explicitly state, but never let you forget. We meet brothers Ben and Richard (Parker obviously, never actually called that) and friends May and Mary, getting ready to head off for a summer job at a resort, and hopefully get a little bit of that sweet summer lovin’.

The girls and the brothers hook up quickly, Ben and May, Mary and Richard, and it’s time for some skinny dipping and boots knocking, at least for Ben and May, Mary tells Richard she doesn’t want to rush into the physical aspect. Stuff happens, I guess, Richard and May become undercover lovers, bumping uglies behind Mary and Ben’s backs, which results in a pregnancy for (Aunt) May. We get a bit of May crying, trying to decide what to do about the baby, Mary being supportive, not knowing it is her own boyfriends baby batter that is behind it. May decides to tell Ben that she is pregnant and Ben then tells her that he is sterile. Tears, arguments, friendships are broken. May takes off and starts staying with some guy who beats her. Ben and Richard go home, Mary is back at school, May finally gets in touch with her. There is a pretty good scene here with May reaching out to her friend, nowhere else to turn, begging for help. Six months later Mary shows up at Richards house, he and May’s baby in her arms, claiming it is their baby, acknowledging, with Richard of course what the deal here really is. Mary changes her whole life for May, becomes the mother of this child, eventually marrying Richard. At the wedding we see a hint that May and Ben will reconcile. So that is Trouble or the time Aunt May slept with her best friends boyfriend, who was the brother of her boyfriend, and gave the baby to her best friend to be raised as theirs. Before they died I’m assuming, because the were SHIELD agents and coming back as robots or something. There ya go. Aunt May, a wild and crazy gal is really baby Peter’s mom.(*sigh*)

One thing I will give this book, it is beautiful. Terry Dodson, as always does some great work here, beautiful gals, and hunky guys. And speaking of the girls, May is sporting some reddish hair, and Mary is a blonde with a preference for headbands or whatever they are called, in what is in no way an accidental reference to Mary Jane and Gwen, actually giving (to me) a Romita sort of vibe. Although the girls are the typical curvy Dodson gals, the photo covers which are included in this trade couldn’t be further from that, with a couple gals who appear to be eleventeen and their bikini tops. They are very off putting. Also in the book crap about a fortune teller and May wanting a Mystery Machine style van.

I don’t think I would’ve disliked this book nearly as much as I did if wasn’t for the way they do everything they can to let you know this is THAT May and Ben and THAT Richard and Mary and THAT baby Peter. So why is it even there? This isn’t in continuity is it? What the hell is the point of this book? Honestly? It really craps all over Aunt May. Good thing I got some better things to scrub this from my brain, and then I went and wrote about it and refreshed it all. Eff this book.

-Kris